Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
