I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
They have beer where we have blood.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
