I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
