No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
