Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
