Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
