You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
