I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
