If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
