So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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