So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
