dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
