I wanna passion pit in your ass
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
