the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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