so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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