if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
