I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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