My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
