and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
