They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize