i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
