Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
