Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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