Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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