When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
