Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
