dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
