So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
