what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
