I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
