so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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