i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
