Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
