I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
