theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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