I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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