dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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