Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All the doctor said was why
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize