I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
