the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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