she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Boobs speak an international language.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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