he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
