4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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