just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
