Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
