i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
