The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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