it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
