He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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