My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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